Write write write….

It’s that time again. It’s NanoWriMo time…. 1,667 words a day…50 thousand words in a month…a diet of coffee and pretzel sticks….and days of stretching your imagination and forcing yourself to write each and every single day. At the end, the thought is that you will have a novel at the end of the month….it may suck major eggs, but it’s a novel none the less…your words…your world…your characters…your creation. YOURS. Today is the start of the second week and I’ve gotten further than I did the entire month last year…I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for that…for as much as we criticize ourselves…and I think that everyone is their own worst critic…it’s equally important to sing our own kudos when warranted. Will I make it to the 50,000 word goal…I don’t know, but I do know I am determined to get as far as I can and see this thing through….maybe afterwards, I’ll find the inspiration to finish the story I started last year…it’s file is sitting on my desktop screen and reminds me daily that it’s there….I may be a real writer after all.

Love and Light ❤

Seasons Change

I sit by the window, watching the wind ripple through the leaves of the tall oak tree. Long gone is the bright fresh green of spring only to be replace by the warm tones of autumn. It happens every year, without fail, and yet no matter how much I delight in the beautiful canvas that the Goddess paints for us, I am always a little sad to see the end of summer.

If pressed about why the sadness, my answer would probably amount to  what could be summed up by saying, I’m reluctant to change. I like the long days and warm nights. I like being able to go to work in the morning and exiting the building at the end of my shift and seeing the sun still shining in the sky. I don’t like the short and cold days. Days of going to work in the dark only to leave there in the same state. Intellectually, I know that without change there is no growth. When there is no growth, things become stagnate and wither. It is a cycle of birth and rebirth, ever changing, ever growing, becoming something more than it once was.

We have a choice, to stick our feet, our minds, in our lives into concrete boots…never changing, never going forward, or we can meet the changes and see the beauty those changes may wrought. I, for one, am going to take my coffee outside,  and enjoy the beauty the day has brought with all it’s glorious colors.

Love & Light

Today I’m grateful for…

As I woke up to the chirping of the birds, and a child…who at some point in the night always sneaks into my room, with the stealth of a cat, to swipe my old cell-phone aka my backup alarm clock…I realized that some of the smarting feelings that have been building up didn’t dissipate on the wings of night…and brushing them under the carpet and discounting them as merely the grumpies did nothing to dispel them either.

It was the smiling face looking down at me, my blue cell phone in his hand, letting me know that it was 6:01 and he was ready for his morning bath that pulled me from the depths of sleep. It was the, I love you mommy, all the way up to the moon and back, that shined a light brighter than the morning sun into the dark pit I found myself in. The dark pit of feeling invisible to those around me. Invisible unless they needed or wanted something. Hurting not because my insight and ideas are dismissed as not feasible, because maybe they weren’t, but when someone new comes along and voices those same insight and ideas, then they are touted as a brilliant sounding board. I have to admit, that soundly smarts. As does the request for assistance that is freely given to everyone else, yet doled out, begrudgingly, in left over crumbs my way.

I am not the backup person. I am more than the person people want to talk to only when their preferred conversationalist is not available. I am not invisible. I am more.

So today, I am grateful for my ray of sunshine who brightens my day with just his sweet smile, and for my friends who see and sense when I need a pick me up without a word being said.

Love & Light

On your mark, get set, GO!

I did it! At 3:30 this morning I achieved the 1600 word goal for the start of NaNo! I know, the word count can hang like an anvil around your neck if you let it. It can either be a stumbling block you use to quit, thinking that 1600 word hurdle is just to high and there’s no way you’ll make it over. Or you can think of it as that checkered flag at the end of the race, you see it waving in the air, so you dig in deep and from somewhere you find the words to cross that line.

Two things happened as I was running that NaNo track, I learned that I could sit and create something where there was a blank page; I could do more than bullshit pretty. I found my inspiration, and I worried that I would try to control the story instead of letting the story unfold how it wanted to be told; I learned differently. I can sit back and let the words come and let the pictures in my mind unfold as they will.

Will I make the 1600 word goal everyday? I haven’t a clue. Will I try to control the story again. More than likely, letting go of the reigns when i have to be in charge if so much in my daily life, can be a foreign concept and may be one I continue to struggle with. Will the voices in my head telling me their story go silent on me? I don’t know that either, but this run has just started and I’ve decided to get off the track; running in circles, and take the scenic route, cross country.

Love & Light

Perspective

Every once in awhile, we all have a day, a week, a month, where the dark clouds circling above our heads, come crashing down, the heavy weight buckling our knees and leaving us gasping for breath.

That dark cloud holds something different for everyone; whether it be doubts, fears, hopelessness, or helplessness, it has the power to consume you, leaving you in a dark place inside your head. It can leave you wondering if everything you do is worth the time and effort. It can have you ready to chuck it all over the cliff to come crashing into a million little pieces on the ground below. It can have you feeling like jumping in your car and driving away for parts unknown. It can also leave you asking yourself if walked away, if your absence would be noticed.

So consumed with these thoughts, you can lose sight that those around you are juggling balls of their own, fighting to keep their own dark clouds from crashing down around their shoulders.

There is always a light shining, cutting through the darkness to lead you out of the abyss, if you take a breath and look for it. It’s the warmth of a smile from a stranger that says “I see you and find you worthy.” It’s the feel of a child’s arms wrapping around your neck, bringing tears to your eyes at the unconditional love so freely and joyfully given. It’s the friend sitting shoulder to shoulder with you in utter quietness, lending you their support. It’s that brief glance at someone else’s troubles and acknowledging that maybe you don’t have it so bad. It doesn’t sweep away your cloud, but it can change your perspective…and sometimes, a change of perspective is the hand you need to help you gain your footing and allows you to take a much needed deep breath.

Stay in the dark, or reach for the light? A choice we’re all faced with from time to time. It can be easier to let the dark consume us, but the light is so much more rewarding. This week, after days in the dark, I’ve chosen the light.

On the days when you find your dark cloud crashing around you, sucking the breath out of you, I hope you remember to look for the light. Most times it’s within ourselves, other times we need the light if others to lead the way.

Love & Light

Plotting plotting plotting

I don’t know how writers do it. I’ve signed up for this NaNo challenge, and though I can see my main character getting to the place I need her to be, I haven’t got a clue as to what to do once she’s there. I sit looking at the screen of my laptop and think that this story is too big for this challenge, that I need to do so much more research than the allotted time allows for, that I need to do a different story; but no! This is the story yelling to be told, and tell it I will. (Insert eye roll here) like its giving me a choice. That is one thing I have learned so far. Once a story plants it’s roots in your brain, there’s no walking away from it until it reaches full bloom. It may go into stasis. It may even let you put it on the back burner for a while so you can work on other stuff, but it never leaves you. It’s a ticking time bomb waiting for you to light the fuse. Maybe, I’m not suppose to see where it leads. Maybe that’s part of the journey. It’s an adventure, after all.

Love & Light

Me? A writer?

A couple of days ago, a very good friend shared that they were going to participate in the NaNo challenge. The goal is to write a novel in 30 days, at least 50,000 words….1,6-something words a day! It sounded exciting and challenging, and maybe just the push I needed to put these random thoughts and scenarios down on paper, or screen as the case may be. 50,000 words, from where I stand right now, seems like a mountain. Insurmountable? No…but it’s not going to be a walk in the park either. Can I keep my focus long enough to see it through to the end? I sure as heck hope so. I have a great support team to cheer me on. I don’t climb this mountain alone, and for that….I’m extremely thankful.

Love & Light